OBAMA !!!!!

Reading in the tropics

I have managed to gobble down a few books since I arrived.

- "Equador" by Miguel Sousa Tavares was very appropriate for a first reading in the tropics and a much appreciated trip in time back to our years in S. Tome.
Although I had not read anything in Portuguese since "Budapeste" by Chico Buarque in 2005, the language was practically irrelevant for me here so easy was the flow of this book.

- "The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency" by Alexander McCall Smith was a delight indeed. I had no expectations for this book and was very pleased with the gracious and witty Mma Precious Ramotswe the first lady detective in Botswana. I am looking forward to reading the other books in these series.

- The next book on conspiracies was an eye opener. A little full of facts and figures that were a little boring but their connection of the real stargate with the shamanic practice was just down my alley. I now want to read Jeremy Narby's "A Cosmic Serpent".

A New Life

We are finally here and I am connected again to this cosmic web.

A new life, a new world !!!
It is all so new but it feels so familiar as if it was meant to be,
a place already visited in dreams.

Sekondi, a small village 4 hours from the capital Accra,
a far contrast from "chichi froufrou" Scottsdale Arizona
without the material wealth but with a rich soul.

Let this rainbow be a sign of the myriad of possibilities that awaits us here.

Phenomenon

I am reading "Shaman, Healer, Sage" by A. Villoldo. 

I decided that I want to read all his books in the order that he wrote them. After "The Four Winds" and "Return to the Island of the Sun" which are about his personal journey, this book is more of a summary of the teachings he received while on that journey.

I am fascinated by the similarities between the Inka's perception of the Energy "body" and the Indian, Tibetan teachings as well. Although the later mention 7 chakras, the Inkas go a step further in describing the 8th and 9th chakras.

I took a break from the book to watch a movie and I have since watched two that somewhat related to what I have been reading ... weird coincidence. 

The first, "Phenomenon", is about an ordinary man that starts perceiving the energy that connects us all after being struck by a flash of light and as a result starts having extraordinary powers, it turns out that he has a large tumor in his brain, nonetheless, he becomes a deeply spiritual being that honors the connection between all things.

"Youth without Youth" is Coppola's latest movie which drew a lot of not so positive reviews but that I enjoyed without fully understanding it. There is are a myriad of metaphysical subjects including time travel, transmigration of souls, the ego or double ... and a lot more interwoven as in a dream where:

 - "the king dreams that he is a butterfly dreaming that it is a king ..."

(Image: Stock photography - Chakra, Wheel of Life with silhouette of woman in lotus position"

Calabaceira

This fruit that I sucked and had as juice and  "fresquinhas" in my childhood has made it out of the cob webbed corners of my memory and into the limelight !

Scientifically known as adansonia digitata, and commonly known as baobab tree, calabaceira, imbondeiro, this fruit is now being paraded around the EU as a "super food"- high in antioxidants, twice as much calcium them milk, 6 times more vitamin C then oranges ... and the list goes on.

This new found celebrity food will soon be featured in smoothies and cereal bars and appear in your supermarket as jam. (BBC article).

Well, no surprise here. 

Our environment contains all the nutritious foods required for our survival, and if the dry areas of Africa where most of these baobab trees are found have such "miracle" food, it's because those areas do not have diets consisting of a glass of milk or fresh OJ for breakfast !!!!

Viva calabaceira !!! 

Well and veludo, jambre, cinbron whose scientific

 names I am still trying to find out.

For more great foods of Africa check out the series: Lost Crops of Africa II at The National Academies Press (with lots of free books online by the way)

Balancing poses

In yoga the balancing poses are very strengthening for the body and for the mind.

I particularly love the Warrior series, especially now that I am trying to balance myself between two worlds.

I am returning to the practice but not without first paying the price for staying away too long. 

The first week I was so sore I could barely walk. 

But now the strength is returning, and the confidence with it. 

Slowly does it.

In returning to the breath my mind stops worrying about the move, the tons of "stuff" to sort, the bureaucracy, the fear of the unknown, the exhilaration of the adventure.

For now I'll just keep posing and focusing on my breath.

Sister, sister

"Observe the ladies of the court.

See how they achieve what they want from their men,

not by stamping their little feet,

but by allowing the men to believe that they, indeed, are in charge.

That is the art of being a woman."

- From the movie "The Other Boleyn Girl"

Great plot and performances. I truly enjoyed it.

Blues

It was one of those days that threatened to pull me down.
News that popped up or thoughts that took the wrong turn.
I could recognize it - the shadow that precedes the mood.
Why do they call it the blues ?

I thought about writing about it and maybe it would go away
but I remembered my own rule ... no negativity allowed !

I switched tactics. Why not focus on the good things that surfaced ?!
There were good things,
there are always good things !

-Ingrid Betancourt is free .. I had tears of joy, I had been following her story and I believe she will one day be the president of Columbia.

- Tahir Shah has a blog where I can go to quench my thirst for his words.

I am a big fan of his stories and although I visited his website once in a while, the addition of his blog has made me a more frequent visitor. (Photo - Tahir Shah from his website)

- There are always the kids ... they are doing great and that is a great blessing not to be overlooked.

- There are friends and friend(s) emails that I look forward to.

- Although chocolate no longer kick-starts my mood as before

(I think I overdosed), I made some sorrel-ginger and spices drink to complement this heat.

- last but not least, I am healthy and there is life to live and many things to discover !

I am grateful !

Stirring the pot of memories

(Painting : Mito in the 80s, found in the vaults of my memory)

Once in a while a series of thoughts trigger the connections that open doors to a distant past ...

I have been peering into the 80s ...

It is a calming gaze, almost like watching a movie.

Detached of emotions I am better suited to see nuances that would otherwise be shrouded in my feelings.

In this ritual, the mind seeks to disperse in the winds of time the memories that no longer serve.

Other memories remind me of the 20-year old that was ...

- The essay for the phi 101 class - what boldness, what imagination !

I see the clear connection to Mother Nature emanating from my youth, a product of my upbringing ... I long for that connection now.

- there are snippets -blood drops - of a love that wasn't ...

and there too I glimpse the innocence lost.

I release you to the flames and to the wind and close the doors...

In search of the "God particle"

It sounds ambitious but Man's search for the ultimate answer, for the "simplest" particle is anything but simple.

The stage is being set for an experiment this summer at the CERN laboratory. 

The 17 mile subterranean ring in the French-Swiss border houses the Large Hadron Collider (LHC).

The goal - provoke particle collision at nearly the speed of light in

hope that matter will be transformed and God will show it's "face" if only for a infinitesimal small amount of time and be recorded (the so called "God particle) is  Higgs boson and is believed to give mass to matter).

The fear (by some outsiders) - that a black hole will be created that will swallow the Earth.

The cost - $5-10 billion and counting (or not).

Here is an interesting detail of what might possibly happen.

Original article from National Geographic magazine

my own

If you meet the Buddha,

kill the Buddha !

- Zen proverb

My take on it:

I need to kill all the idols that are crowding / clouding my path and carve my own.

Don't be a follower, be a leader.

Be the observer and the observed.

Crack open the head ;-)

Mar y Oregano

Painting: The Gypsy Medina by David Delamare

SONETO XXXIV

Eres hija del mar y prima del oregano

nadadora tu cuerpo es de agua pura,

cocinera, tu sangre es tierra viva

y tus costumbres son floridas y terrestres.

Al agua van tus ojos y levantan las olas,

a la tierra tus manos y saltan las semillas,

en agua y tierra tienes propriedades profundas

que en si se juntan como las leyes de la greda.

Nayade, corta tu cuerpo la turquesa

y luego resurrecto florece en la cocina

de tal modo que asumes cuando existe

y al fin duermes rodeada por mis brazoz que apartan

de la sombra sombria, para que tu descanses,

vegetales, algas marinas, hierbas: la espuma de tus suenos.

-PABLO NERUDA

Quieting the waters

Last night I tried again to quiet the mind and go deeper.

The first time I tried it did not last long, 

I recall the cough of the kids in the background making me feel guilty for my idleness ...

however, the few minutes that I did manage to sit - pain and all -

transported me to a magical place of my childhood -

TARRAFAL !

A place with the most beautiful natural painted stones that I have ever seen,

a place I was taken to by my seamate, my mermate if you will,

someone that I had lost contact with for years and the pain of that separation,

the anxiety of not knowing of his whereabouts came up (or went out seeking).

I finally gave in to the pain in the limbs, restlessness and all.

A few days later I got an email from my friend

- yes, the seamate !!

I couldn't believed it, I barely contained my joy

- he had visited me in my dreams !

(when I was a child I believed that dreams were the realm of the gathering of souls)

You see it when you believe it !

(Foto: Tarrafal of my youth - mid 70s)

Labor Pains

Image: Gaia by Oberon Zell
... for the MOTHER will awake ... to see it is too late.

Earth, Mother, 

raped ... nipples sucked dry.

What more do we want from you Mother ?

----

I was listening to one of Villoldo's accounts of the gathering of the Elders and he told that the Women / Mothers present referred to this era as the

 labor phase of mother Earth, 

the pain that comes before the birth.

What child will be born of you this time ?

PS> I am struggling with this post and I think I have to rephrase it, it is deviating from my adherence to the positive ...

Obama Black Eagle - One Who Helps People Throughout the Land

On May 19th Obama was adopted into the Crow Nation.

... Members of the tribe wore colorful traditional clothing and feathered head-dresses -- Obama addressed some issues of serious concern not only to the 12,100-member Crow Nation but to many Native American tribes around the country.

(extract from the Washington Post blog)

May you soar to great heights and lead us in a path with heart. God Bless you !

Something to ponder

Is there a relationship between these news ?

1- British Ministry of Defense releases UFO files. There are more details at the National Archives.

2- A new isolated Amazon tribe has been discovered by Brazil's National Indian Foundation. 

(6/30 update - The news of the tribe discovery was a hoax intended on drawing attention to the continuous displacement of the Indians tribes of South America, let's hope it works.)

I can't help but see the irony in these events. 

The danger of exposing these isolated tribes to all the ills of our society equate to extermination. 

As for E.T. it should call home asap because this place is not for aliens (pun intended).

Buddha and Padre Pio

Buddha was born on the full moon in May and Padre Pio on May 25th so I want to take some time and revere these great Masters.

Buddha was born into a royal family and it was foreseen that he would give up all material possessions and become a holy man. His father the king was appalled at the idea and once the young boy was born he build a fortress around his kingdom to shield his son from the "real" world. However after Siddhartha married he was able to leave the palace and met a sick man, an old man and a corpse, the signs that would lead him to seek his true nature and become enlightened. After numerous trials he eventually reached nirvana under a boddhi tree.

Padre Pio was born Francesco Forgione on May 27, 1887 in a small town in Italy called Pietrelcina and early in life at the tender age of 5 he felt the need to dedicate his life to God. At the age of 15 he became a Fra (padre / brother). He later became a spiritual director and his five rules were: weekly confession, daily Communion, spiritual reading, meditation and examination of conscience. (Wouldn't we all be better off with a few of these daily).

His theology can be summoned in his saying "Pray, Hope and Don't Worry".

What made Padre Pio very famous later was the appearance of stigmata. He also performed many miracles but throughout his life he suffered physically, emotionally and spiritually for many years and was only posthumously recognized for his hard work and made a saint in 2002.

Dreaming ... Waking life

It seems that once I hook on to some particular subject, the information starts coming in droves. Lately I have been seeing and reading a lot about the dream awake world.

With so many people now saying the same thing, will we have a shift in consciousness by the mere fact that so many are now "in tune" with this view of reality ? Or are we talking about the same things that Buddha, Jesus and so many other spoke of ions ago ?


1- Healing the Luminous Body - Medical anthropologist Alberto Villoldo describes the energy body as was thought to him by the Inka Shamans of the Andes. Great images by Alex Grey complement this documentary and allows us to visuallize the path to spiritual and physical healing.

2- Other Worlds - Trully fascinating account of director Jan Kounen's initiation into the Peruvian Shipibo Shamanic world. Not much different from Castaneda's account or even Shah's description of his own journey but the visual effects and interviews with many scientists give it an all around perspective.

3- The Voice of Knowledge - Don Miguel Ruiz shares the wisdom of the Toltec naguals. He really lays it all out about "our stories", familiar territory for all the forum alumni.

4- Living Luminaries - A slew of masters talk about the power of now, living in the moment, creating your own reality, meditation ... you name it. A great feast and treat to find so many of the masters in one place and drink of their nectar. I feel like a bee ... be ... being ... becoming !

5- Courageous Dreaming: How Shamans Dream the World into Being - Currently reading Villoldo's latest which I am tackling slowly.


5- Waking Life - What is real and what is unreal ? This movie takes you on a brainy walk through dreams and philosophical conversations that are a great mind stimulator. A must see and repeat. I could do away with the animated aspect of the movie which made me a bit dizzy but a small price to pay for the stimulation. It reminds me I need to revisit Mindwalk and My Dinner with Andre again

Tabua de Esmeralda

After the last post I decided not to comment on the movie 2001.

I have no better words to describe the movie then the ones I posted a link to BUT ... I think these words from my favorite Jorge Ben's album are quite appropriate.

HERMES TRISMEGISTOS e sua CELESTE TABUA de ESMERALDA

Hermes Trismegistos escreveu

com uma ponta de diamante em uma lamina de esmeralda

O que esta embaixo e como o que esta no alto,

e o que esta no alto e como o que esta embaixo.

E por essas coisas fazem-se os milagres de uma coisa so.

E como todas essas coisas sao e proveem de UM pela mediacao do UM,

assim TODAS as coisas sao nascidas desta unica coisa por adaptacao.

O SOL e seu PAI, a LUA e sua MAE.

O VENTO o trouxe em seu ventre.

A TERRA e sua nutriz e receptaculo.

O Pai de tudo, o Thelemeu do mundo universal esta aqui.

O Pai de tudo, o Thelemeu do mundo universal esta aqui.

Sua forca ou potencia esta inteira,

se ela e convertida em terra.

Tu separaras a terra do fogo e o sutil do espesso.

docemente, com grande desvelo.

Pois Ele ascende da terra e descende do ceu

e recebe a FORCA das coisas superiores

e das coisas inferiores.

Tu teras por esse meio a gloria do mundo,

e toda obscuridade fugira de ti.

e toda obscuridade fugira de ti.

E a forca de toda a forca,

pois ela vencera qualquer coisa sutil

e penetrara qualquer coisa solida.

Assim, o mundo foi criado.

Disso sairao admiraveis adaptacoes,

das quais aqui o meio e dado.

Por isso fui chamado Hermes Trismegisto,

Por isso fui chamado Hermes Trismegisto,

tendo as tres partes da FILOSOFIA UNIVERSAL.

O que disse da OBRA SOLAR esta completo.

O que disse da Obra Solar esta completo.

Hermes Trismegisto escreveu 

com uma ponta de diamante em uma lamina de esmeralda.

Hermes Trismegisto escreveu 

com uma ponta de diamante em uma lamina de esmeralda.

2001 - 2012 - Odyssey and Alchemy

I read the most fascinating review of "2001 A Space Odyssey" right after I finished watching "2012 The Odyssey", now how is that for an evening filled with Odysseys ?

I am going to see 2001 again from a different light and report later ... my mind is full of information, from Mayan predictions to Philosopher's Stones to Homo Luminous consciousness awakening.

Ohm ... uhmm

This is a powerful documentary on a practice facing extinction.

The Tibetan people have been studying the Spiritual Path for ages and these Yogis in particular have dedicated all their lives to this higher awareness.

These remarkable Rinpoche have gone into retreat / isolation for years at a time.

I can't even sit still for 5 minutes, let alone 2 years !!! (more on that to come :-)

One of the Rinpoche featured in this documentary, Garchen Rinpoche, actually has an institute about 2 hours from me in Chino Valley, AZ.

I am there !!!

It is all connected !

I have recently been in the company of Don Juan through the eyes of Castaneda's "Fire from Within".

Villoldo is on the same note with his book on "The Four Insights".

Now

It is all about NOW !!

I feel like I am being surrounded by the same message just said in different languages and by different people but the essence is the same.

Live life to the fullest - NOW !!!

Whatever comes our way, NOW is the time to change the perception of it or delight in it.

We all have in us the power to be whatever we want to be - NOW !!!

We are a ray of the immense Sun.

Go withIN, deep within to blend with the Out.

That is my goal. Now !

Embrace

She hugs !!!
She has hugged more then 25 million people in 35 years.

I heard about this Universal Mother - Mata Amritanandamayi, aka Amma briefly, then I came upon the documentary "Darshan: The Embrace" and it pretty much fit into the synchronicity and serendipity of the moment.

She is a saint,

a humanitarian,

a hard working Mother that is known to hug up to 50 000 people in a single day.

She sits for 18-20 hours and hugs ... and hugs ... and hugs some more letting her Universal Love and Energy flow.

She has been given many awards and has helped countless people.

Om ... Shanti, Shanti, Shanti !

If we hugged more instead of fighting maybe this world ailments would be greatly diminished.

The Articulation of Dreams

Werner Herzog (the "duke") is portraid in the documentary about his grandiose movie "Fitzcarraldo" in "Burden of Dreams" and as much as I was mesmerized when I first saw "Fitzcarraldo", I was much more so after seing how he managed to accomplish such a seemingly impossible dream.

The man is a Genius, I mean Mad, I mean Genius ... Mad.

The fruit of his labor which he paid with blood and sweat (literally) is for us to enjoy, delight in, be in awe of.

It is hard to discern the main character in the movie - Fitzgerald (played by Kinsky) in "Fitzcarraldo" from Herzog in "Burden of Dreams", they morph into one entity looking to pursue their dreams at any cost.

I am inspired !

Ousmane's best ?

What a great movie from Ousmane Sembene and for me his best (although Guelwaar comes close). I have not seen all his movies yet. I saw "La noir de ...", "Mandabi", "Xala"

The horrible subject of female genital mutilation is addressed here as well as other subjects not as gruesome but equally important such as the role of women in African society,

A must see !! Spread the word.

Ousmane, rest in Peace, your work will live forever.

Yo soy un hombre sincero

de donde crece la palma,

Y antes de morirme quiero

Echar mis versos del alma.

Yo vengo de todas partes,

Y hacia todas partes voy:

Arte soy entre las artes,

En los montes, monte soy.

Yo se los nombres estranos,

de las yerbas y las flores,

Y de mortales enganos,

Y de sublimes dolores.

Yo he visto en la noche oscura

Llover sobre mi cabeza,

Los rayos de lumbre pura

De la divina belleza.

(...)

Si dicen que del joyero

Tome la joya mejor,

Tomo a un amigo sincero

Y pongo a un lado el amor.

Yo he visto al aguila herida

volar al azul sereno,

Y morir en su guarida

la vibora del veneno.

Yo se bien que cuando el mundo

cede, livido, al descanso,

Sobre el silencio profundo

Murmura el arroyo manso.

(...)

Todo es hermoso y constante

Todo es musica y razon,

Y todo, como el diamante,

Antes que luz es carbon.

Yo se que al necio se entierra

Con gran lujo y con gran llanto, -

Y que no hay fruta en la tierra

Como la del camposanto.

Callo, y entiendo, y me quito

La pompa del rimador:

Cuelgo de un arbol marchito

Mi muceta de doctor.

Poesia de Jose Marti

Despues de la pelicula "Lost City" de Andy Garcia donde recito esse poema al final, tuvo que buscarlo para leerlo en completo. 

Aqui estan algunas partes.

Habana Blues

Una pelicula maravillosa. 

No la conocia pero la estaban passando en la television y empece a mirarla y no pudo parar. 

El tema es la musica, la amistad, la familia, el nacionalismo ...

El dilema de unos musicos en Habana, especialmente de dos amigos, uno con ganas de salir del pais (Tito) a qualquier precio y el otro (Ruy) que no quiere comprometer su musica y sus conviciones por ningum precio. Al mismo tiempo la familia de Ruy se esta disolviendo, la esposa y los hijos a camino de Miami en una lancha ... 

esta muy bien retratada la situacion, la actuacion excelente y esses hijos de la madre de los dos protagonistas principales (Ruy y Tito) son hermosos ... tengo ganas de les dar una ... dentadita 

A donde vas ??

A comprar una botella de rum que la mia se acabo ! 

Simple Truths

Before enlightenment

chopping wood

carrying water

After enlightenment

chopping wood

carrying water

ZEN PROVERB

From: "Wisdom of the Ages" By Wayne W. Dyer

In my attempts to exercise my mental as well as my physical body, I have come across many such moments when a light comes on an I become aware.

That is the whole point of this proverb, according to Dyer - enlightenment is not an attainment, it is a realization.

The world around us does not change but rather our perception/awareness/realization of it.

That's deep Man !!

Lust, Caution - American Gangster

Two very different movies.

I saw American Gansgter first. Action packed. Always a treat to see Denzel in action. Interesting story of the top gangster in Harlem and beyond in the late 60s early 70s that put the Italians to shame.

The latest movie from director Ang Lee Lust, Action is a gem. Its two main stars shine and slowly penetrate (no pun intended) into your mind. The seductress' innocence is compelling and the monster's gentleness gut wrenching.
Superb performances by first time actress Tang Wei and veteran actor Tony Leung. Worth staying up later for.

Oil of Vetiver

Close your eyes.

Take a deep breath.

Inhale slowly, taking it in little by little ...

uhmm ... it is Vetiver - an old friend. 

How good to smell you again.

Vetiver is also called the oil of tranquility. 

It calms the nerves and provides a feeling of balance and grounding.

It reliefs tension and stress and could be useful for insomnia.

It is mild, it is safe.

It is rare.

Vetiveria ziazaniodes is cultivated in Java, India, Reunion, Angola, Brazil and Japan.

The wild variety is only found in North India and yields the most exotic fragrance of them all.

I may not have access to the rarest of this scents but the one I am in the presence of right now soothes me just fine.

It conjures memories of long ago and far away, 

of youth, discovery and innocence.

The Power of O

Sunset at Orient beach, St. Martin

"We must be the change we want to see in the world." —Gandhi

O here is for OPRAH !!!

... changing the collective consciousness !

She did it again and this time she was able to bring together more then half a million people on the internet simoultaneously !!!

On Monday March 3, Oprah and Eckhart Tolle started the first of a weekly interactive webcast about the book "A New Earth".

This webcast attracted such a large audience that more then 500,000 people (I think the number was close to 700,000) signed up from all over the world.

It allowed participants to Skype in or call or send email with their questions.

- Be still and know that there is GOD !

Powerful stuff and quite appropriate for me at this point in my life.

The Power of Words

Words.

They can move you, 

they can groove you.

They can touch and they can hurt.

I have been playing with words in this realm lately and if I am to reach out to others I have to be careful with my words.

I want to be able to maintain my stream of consciousness without too much self imposed boundaries - it starts to mess up with the authenticity.

But I think I am trying too hard to communicate in too many languages: English, Portugues, Kriolu, none of which I fully dominate at this point.

So forgive me for my inappropriate use of words. 

My intention is only to bring a smile to the lips, not a tear to the eyes and definitely, definitely, NOT heaviness to the heart. 

Doing that would only have a multiplied effect on me.

To my "blog-friend" KB to whom I may have touched the wrong way and in turn caused me to feel a very heavy heart for the past few days.

Peace and Love !

The Fisherman

The Fisherman laid on the beach, fishing pole stuck in the sand and anchored between his feet.

He could distinguish between the subtle motions of the waves and the sudden pull of fish biting.

He was approached by another man armed with the idea of progress.

Fisherman, why don't you get a boat and go fish in the high seas ? - asked the man.

For what? -  demanded the fisherman - I get all the fish I need right here.

Well, if you get a boat and a net you can catch more fish and sell the one you don't need - replied the man.

And what would I do with the money ? - inquired the fisherman. 

You can buy a bigger boat, get some sonar equipment, freezers, a crew and catch tons of fish - said the man enthusiastically.

This sounds like a lot of work -  I would have to deal with crews, customers, technical equipment I am not familiar with ... when would I have time to lay on the beach again ? - asked the fisherman visibly worried.

Not to worry - replied the man who had brought progress from across the seas and did not understand the way life runs in paradise - you can work for many years and then when you have amassed a large fortune, you can retire and lay on the beach again ...

This story was told to us by a friend sent to the Solomon Islands on an European project to bring development to the island

If you can't stand the hit ...

It has been a while that even I noticed it - "stuff" accumulating inside me not able to come out but sometimes writing it makes it better, even if just a tiny lil' bit.

When I started this blog I had a few things in mind: make it as intimate as possible (without being too revealing of course, no names ... :-), stick with positive vibes or observations of what is happening around me and keep it as close from the outside world as possible.

Well, I think I managed the first two well but the last one surprised me today...
I've been spotted !
I had the first comment on my blog.
Well, not that I am totally surprised, I did divulge my whereabouts to a few good friends but nonetheless, I started questioning my whole endeavor and truthfully, started becoming a bit self conscious ... but then again, the fears disappeared, I have to stick with my original plan and continue my online diary as planned, from the inside out and not the other way around.

Apology

I spent a lot of time at the car dealer today, waiting for them to fix the car and rob me blind in the process. But, that's not why I am writing this blog. To pass the time I looked through the newspaper and found this article:

"Australia issues an apology to Aborigines for injustice". While Rudd apologizes "for the indignity and degradation thus inflicted on a proud people and a proud culture" he rules out compensation.

I felt myself tearing up, feeling a knot in my throat.

I couldn't stop thinking about the many more cultures and generations which suffered a similar plight of massacre and separation of children from parents.

I recalled a movie I saw a few years ago: "Rabbit Proof Fence" and last year's "The Tracker" (I did go through my Gulpilil phase watching his movies including his first "Walkabout").

How can we prevent actions that will make us have to later apologize for ?

Are we going to apologize to the Africans, American Indians, Iraquis, Vietnamese, Nepalese ... Mother Earth ... the list goes on and on but, will there be anyone to apologize to ?

Peace !

V Day and other digressions

Valentine Day is approaching and although I do not reserve matters of the heart for this day alone, I find myself pondering the meaning of it all.
Apart from the commercial aspect of it, which I abhor, I do appreciate the exchange of friendly and romantic expressions (leave out the corny cards or flowers, but bring on the chocolate, baby ...)

I have recently expressed my appreciation to my friends for whom I have a special kind of love -a reassuring, solid, quiet understanding, borrowing from Tahir Shah's "In Arabian Nights":
Real friends can sometimes dispense with talking. They can take confort in the awkwardness of silence.

The appreciation for family is unique to that individual and very complex to express in a few words.
Parents - Love grew from being that of total dependence from birth through childhood to defiance as I was striving to grow out of the nest to admiration for the enourmous task they undertook in raising this being.
Sister - The Love is a Friendship built on blood, a blend of parent/child interactions.
Husband - A Love that has seen its roller coaster moments and now softly rides the smooth waters, there is no effort for or against it, just the being in the moment and the understanding that the good times are to be cherished, and the bad ... well, those are temporary, as you assert so many times.
Little Ones - I think the word Love is not enough to express the feeling ... there is a mixture of Joy, Awe, Ecstasy and if I had to ever describe the feeling of Divine I would say its presence was felt by me for the first time in my life when you were born.

These are a few of my Favorite Things

The moment is now and maybe by the time I am done with these favorite things new ones will emerge but, this snapshot might make me laugh a few decades from now (or maybe not).

Some things go without saying and their omission is only an indication of their everlasting presence. They are the Fs in my life (Family, Friends and Food).

Now for the Fun:
- I am very much into Books. I mean, I am really into books, a little too obsessed with it in a way only I can become and just as rapidly un-become. If only I could turn this fad into a practical healthy leisure, but no, I let it take over my time, my shelves, my mind, my sleep ... it's all over me, into me and around me.

- Movies, Internet and all other forms of Media (and thinking of it Books are a part of it) are a source of information that continues to feed my curiosity.

- Politics. Now, that's a first !
I am sure I echo millions of others in this country that have only now awaken to this important facet of our life.
The reason for this new found interest is the set of characters now playing the field for presidential candidates: Hillary and Obama. We are staring history in the face and to be part of this exciting possibility is exhilarating.

- Blogs.
I was slow to catch up with this new form but now that I have, I am a loyal follower.

- Morocco.
Well, that might be cheating, if it was not for it starting with M, I would say it is one of those subjects that belongs with the Fs above, the ones that do not need to be mentioned. But, in truth this fav thing does show stronger signs now, probably triggered by the latest book I have been in bed with (no pun intended) - "In Arabian Nights "- Tahir Shah's latest and greatest work.

- Lost.
The TV series, not a state of being :-)
I am not into TV shows, I watch mostly CNN, Bill Maher and sporadic shows here and there but of this one I am a serious follower. I just dread having to wait one week for a 50 min episode. I prefered the marathons this Summer when I found myself in posession of both part 1 and 2, a whole 50 episodes that I gobled during the long trips we took throughout Ghana.

Bobby-Bama ?

I saw the movie "Bobby" the other night, and I loved it. 

I think all the pieces were very well integrated, and the insertion of actual footage of Bobby Kennedy was appropriately placed.

I couldn't shake the feeling that the similarities between what was happening in 1968 and what is happening now 40 years later is so erie.

- The war (Vietnam / Iraq)

- The sense of insecurity

- The fierce political campaign

- the underlying racism (anti-back, anti-mexican)

- the charismatic leader that will bring us Nirvana (Bobby / Obama ??? both lawyers)

... and, Ted Kennedy just endorsed Obama's candidacy !!!

This time, history will NOT repeat itself !!!

Overload !!

I am in a race against Time.

Curious, my friend just wrote something about time on his blog.

I want to do everything ... by that I mean mostly read the books I have pilled up:

- Tahir Shah's latest "In Arabian Nights"

- Elizabeth Gilbert's books (except the one I just read "Eat, Pray, Love")

- Danticat's "Dew Breaker" (still haven't finished it)

- CDs and book of short stories by Jeffrey Archer (funny fellow)

- Zadie Smith's compilation "The Book of Other People"

... and many, many more that I have gotten from the library at .50c or $1, and the ones from paperbackswap.com

When am I ever going to get to read all of these if they keep publishing more and I keep finding new subjects I want to explore. 

Please time, STOP !!!

Ohh, and did I mention all the movies too ???

Thankful for - Jan 23

I am thankful for:

- My wonderful family. They stick with me :-)

- My health. I had a wonderful walk and that made me think that I am really thankful to be living in such a beautiful place:  Scottsdale, Arizona.

- Books. They offer me windows into many worlds and splendid views into my own.

Read, Read, Read !!!

My thoughts turn to something I read once, something the Zen Buddhists believe. They say that an oak tree is brought into creation by two forces at the same time. Obviously, there is the acorn from which it all begins, the seed which holds all the promise and potential, which grows into the tree. Everybody can see that. But only a few can recognize that there is another force operating here as well - the future tree itself, which wants so badly to exist that it pulls the acorn into being, drawing the seedling forth with longing out of the void, guiding the evolution from nothing to maturity. In this respect, says the Zens, it is the oak tree that creates the very acorn from which it was born.

(from Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert)

Friends / Amigos

I got to thinking about friends today ... what makes a good friend, who are my good friends, and why ?

I am not one to have many friends, mind you.
Somehow I do not attract that many people into my life, partly because I love to be alone (and it shows), and also because I am not one to strike up a conversation first.
I do not have the come-talk-to-me-I'm-nice vibes.

But I'm not without friends either.
The few I have are like gems I guard close to my heart.
Most of them I feel I have had all my life, they have been with me through first loves, secrets and growing pains.
Others I have met later in life and despite our different backgrounds, languages, religions, etc, we formed a kinship, a friendship that has marked me to this day.

Sadly, some of them, like Shirin, are no longer in my close circle, maybe the same things that drew us together pushed us apart ... I'll never know.

What triggered my thinking about friends was a call I made recently to MBV, my childhood friend whose birthday I always confuse with GA's (and missed again).
We barely speak and seldom communicate via email either, however, our friendship is as fresh as if we were neighbors.
I love that about my friends, no matter how far apart we are or how long ago we saw each other, we are close at heart.
It gives me that warm fuzzy feeling.

So I dedicate this blog to my friends, few in number, large in meaning:

To my friend MBV.
Thank you for your resounding laughter that echoes through my spirit long after we hang up, the delicious cuscus you always make when I come visit, sprinkled not only with sugar but with that special ingredient that only friends can concoct.

To my friend PV.
Thank you for your beautiful poems, your spontaneity, your feelings "a flor da pele".

To my friend MMMR.
Thank you for your wit, your child-like laughter, your trust in me to be your youngest son's fairy-godmother (not the one that has to go to the church), although I have never met the now 7 year-old cute boy.

To my friend J.
Thank you for being you, like a sister, throughout these years. For rubbing my feet. For reaching out to me in moments of joy and moments of pain.

To my friend C.
Thank you for trusting me long ago with your most precious secret. For the poems you wrote then that captured my essence so well.

To my friend R.
My Triton merman. My sea-mate. Where are you ? I miss you ...bad !!

To my friend LT.
I'll never forget 40th day postpartum herbal bath you prepared for me and the warm chocolate that you tucked me in with. Thank you for trusting me.

To my friend ECM.
Thank you for your no non-sense Queen of the World attitude. Your self-confidence is contagious.

To my friend CM.
I haven't seen you in close to 25 years since you went to Portugal to study but you are present in my mind. I remember us whistling together at seminario while you created magic tunes with your violon.

To my friend GA.
You too I haven't seen in 23 years ! Thank you for the bolos borrachos, your sweetness inside and outside, always. Congratulations on your new baby girl !

Dreams

I have been dreaming a lot lately.
I barely remember it when I wake up but I have the feeling of just being out of a tumoltuous car ride.

Last night that was certainly the case. My dream /nightmare, whatever I can remember of it was about a car wreck.
I was trying to run from something on the road, had to put the car on reverse and it just sped out of control. I tried to break, swerve, look behind me but to no avail, the car picked up even more speed and ran into oncoming traffic on a highway (felt more like a race car track). I lost consciousness and the rest I can't remember much, besides there being a piece of metal stuck inside me that I pulled out and a lot of fluid came gushing out (not blood, more like pee, so rationalized my sleepy mind), I think it was at that point that I was awaken by my daughter screaming my name.

It was 4 am.

A few days ago I could not even sleep., let alone dream.
The thoughts that had been ocupying my mind during the past few days - root / ancestry searching - followed me to bed and before I knew it, my exhaustion turned into a cacophony of voices that I could not silence.

Had my search for the ancestors turned into a summoning of them all that particular night ?

What is the point of this search anyway ?

What I am to do with the findings ?

Am I seeking guidance from these ghosts ? If so, maybe I should spend more time trying to figure out how to decipher their messages because maybe they are already here, talking to me in my dreams ...

Un-Wholy Cow !!!!

Once I created this blog I told myself that I would not dwell on negative issues, or stir any negative emotions of any kind, there is enough of it out there. But, I just could not resist this particular issue so, forgive me, self. 

The FDA approved the sale of food derived from cloned animals ! (reference)

What is going on, is there such a shortage of food that we now need to start messing up with Mother Nature ? 

Who am I kidding ?!? 

We have been messing up with Mother Nature all along: genetically modified grains and vegetables, super-sweet pineapple (and I don't mean the Ghana one that is naturally sweet).

I have been trying to dodge these fake foods but to no avail, there is not even a requirement for labels specifying that the food is made from cloned animals although the one that is not can claim so. So now we have to start looking for non-labels: no GMI, no Gluten No Dairy, No Soy, No Trans Fats, No Animals were used in the research ...

How long before we go to the doctor and have a made-to-order baby ?

Coincidence ??

Someone once told me (I think it was my friend Paulinha) that there is no such thing as coincidences. 

I agree ! 

I have noticed that when I think a lot about something, it seems to start materializing all around me. 

One such case just happened a few days ago. 

After watching the show on Rumi, I decided to do a bit of digging, checked websites, read and listened to some poems online (there are some nice websites out there that even have the poems in the original language) and got some nice Rumi vibe going. 

The next day I went for my usual book hunt at the library (it is the best place to get second hand books for cheap, I mean 50c and $1 for hardcover and paperbacks, not to mention a quarter for children books), so as soon as I get to the shelves to look for books what do I see ... 

... a book of Rumi's poems In the Arms of the Beloved. 

I was ecstatic and needless to say grabbed it and ran ... well, not really. Payed for it and ran.

Now back to coincidences ... I think the Universe aligns itself to the frequency / vibes / sound of your heart and it is just a matter of us being able to listen to it, tune it accordingly and voila, a new language is at our disposal.

Rumi

It is rare for me to find a show on TV that will make me want to close my eyes and listen. 

I accidentally came upon such a show tonight, one about Rumi's poetry. 

I closed my eyes and the listening turned to feeling.

I would sell my tongue to buy a thousand ears ...

There will be more of Rumi to come, I'm sure. It's just too late to continue tonight.

Amazing Grace

I recently saw the movie Amazing grace, not once but twice in consecutive days. 

Well, the first time I felt the movie, the second time I was able to watch it.

I loved every aspect of it, it was witty, deep, funny, sad, joyous and I would not think of saying that of a movie that concerns the slave trade and all its horrors but the grace with which this movie was done awoke all those feelings in me.

Underneath the struggle of William Wilberforce and his group to abolish the slave trade was the song Amazing Grace written by none other then a former slave ship captain himself, John Newton.

The lyrics of the song are profound and the melody just brings out the tears in me.

Once I figure out how to paste them here I'll do that, for now just go to the link:

Amazing Grace movie official website 

Also worth mentioning too and along the same lines (mistreatment of human beings by fellow humans being ) is Bury my heart at Wounded Knee also heart wrenching in its portrayal of the  mistreatment of American Indians.

Happy New Yearound

Happy New Year !!!

May the happiness last all year round and not be like most so-called resolutions: - short-lived !!!

We started the year incredibly well, drinking wine in Sedona !!! After taking my Mother-in-law to the Grand Canyon, we returned to our hotel in Sedona for our second night there and drank wine while waiting for our ball to drop, kiss each other and pray for all the blessings we had in the previous year and wish for more in the New Year.

So what do I wish for in this New Year ?? Here are the first 10 that pop into my head.

1- I wish to be a better me so I can be a better Mother and better wife and not let my insecurities roll over into my performance as a mother and wife.

2- Take better care of myself. I think my husband has tolerated the tom-boy image of me for too long. I am way overweight, dress like (in my sister's words) a Scottsdale maid, hide my messy hair behind wraps, knots and whatever I can get to keep it from looking like a witch, have the hands of someone that spends way too much time cutting onions and washing dishes.

3- Read and write more

4- Do yoga and meditate. In other words: bend more and dig more.

5- Spend more time with my sister.

6- Budget

7- Define what it is I want to do with my life in the next few years

8- Be positive, always. Not hold grudges, let go of negative people, situations, toughts

9- Eat less chocolate (who am I kidding ?) Ok, eat less sweets ... that reminds me, I have this nice blueberry-tofu cheesecake I brought from Sedona, still untouched ... uhmmm

10- Exercise, exercise, exercise (join that hiking club I always wanted to join)