Bobby-Bama ?

I saw the movie "Bobby" the other night, and I loved it. 

I think all the pieces were very well integrated, and the insertion of actual footage of Bobby Kennedy was appropriately placed.

I couldn't shake the feeling that the similarities between what was happening in 1968 and what is happening now 40 years later is so erie.

- The war (Vietnam / Iraq)

- The sense of insecurity

- The fierce political campaign

- the underlying racism (anti-back, anti-mexican)

- the charismatic leader that will bring us Nirvana (Bobby / Obama ??? both lawyers)

... and, Ted Kennedy just endorsed Obama's candidacy !!!

This time, history will NOT repeat itself !!!

Overload !!

I am in a race against Time.

Curious, my friend just wrote something about time on his blog.

I want to do everything ... by that I mean mostly read the books I have pilled up:

- Tahir Shah's latest "In Arabian Nights"

- Elizabeth Gilbert's books (except the one I just read "Eat, Pray, Love")

- Danticat's "Dew Breaker" (still haven't finished it)

- CDs and book of short stories by Jeffrey Archer (funny fellow)

- Zadie Smith's compilation "The Book of Other People"

... and many, many more that I have gotten from the library at .50c or $1, and the ones from paperbackswap.com

When am I ever going to get to read all of these if they keep publishing more and I keep finding new subjects I want to explore. 

Please time, STOP !!!

Ohh, and did I mention all the movies too ???

Thankful for - Jan 23

I am thankful for:

- My wonderful family. They stick with me :-)

- My health. I had a wonderful walk and that made me think that I am really thankful to be living in such a beautiful place:  Scottsdale, Arizona.

- Books. They offer me windows into many worlds and splendid views into my own.

Read, Read, Read !!!

My thoughts turn to something I read once, something the Zen Buddhists believe. They say that an oak tree is brought into creation by two forces at the same time. Obviously, there is the acorn from which it all begins, the seed which holds all the promise and potential, which grows into the tree. Everybody can see that. But only a few can recognize that there is another force operating here as well - the future tree itself, which wants so badly to exist that it pulls the acorn into being, drawing the seedling forth with longing out of the void, guiding the evolution from nothing to maturity. In this respect, says the Zens, it is the oak tree that creates the very acorn from which it was born.

(from Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert)

Friends / Amigos

I got to thinking about friends today ... what makes a good friend, who are my good friends, and why ?

I am not one to have many friends, mind you.
Somehow I do not attract that many people into my life, partly because I love to be alone (and it shows), and also because I am not one to strike up a conversation first.
I do not have the come-talk-to-me-I'm-nice vibes.

But I'm not without friends either.
The few I have are like gems I guard close to my heart.
Most of them I feel I have had all my life, they have been with me through first loves, secrets and growing pains.
Others I have met later in life and despite our different backgrounds, languages, religions, etc, we formed a kinship, a friendship that has marked me to this day.

Sadly, some of them, like Shirin, are no longer in my close circle, maybe the same things that drew us together pushed us apart ... I'll never know.

What triggered my thinking about friends was a call I made recently to MBV, my childhood friend whose birthday I always confuse with GA's (and missed again).
We barely speak and seldom communicate via email either, however, our friendship is as fresh as if we were neighbors.
I love that about my friends, no matter how far apart we are or how long ago we saw each other, we are close at heart.
It gives me that warm fuzzy feeling.

So I dedicate this blog to my friends, few in number, large in meaning:

To my friend MBV.
Thank you for your resounding laughter that echoes through my spirit long after we hang up, the delicious cuscus you always make when I come visit, sprinkled not only with sugar but with that special ingredient that only friends can concoct.

To my friend PV.
Thank you for your beautiful poems, your spontaneity, your feelings "a flor da pele".

To my friend MMMR.
Thank you for your wit, your child-like laughter, your trust in me to be your youngest son's fairy-godmother (not the one that has to go to the church), although I have never met the now 7 year-old cute boy.

To my friend J.
Thank you for being you, like a sister, throughout these years. For rubbing my feet. For reaching out to me in moments of joy and moments of pain.

To my friend C.
Thank you for trusting me long ago with your most precious secret. For the poems you wrote then that captured my essence so well.

To my friend R.
My Triton merman. My sea-mate. Where are you ? I miss you ...bad !!

To my friend LT.
I'll never forget 40th day postpartum herbal bath you prepared for me and the warm chocolate that you tucked me in with. Thank you for trusting me.

To my friend ECM.
Thank you for your no non-sense Queen of the World attitude. Your self-confidence is contagious.

To my friend CM.
I haven't seen you in close to 25 years since you went to Portugal to study but you are present in my mind. I remember us whistling together at seminario while you created magic tunes with your violon.

To my friend GA.
You too I haven't seen in 23 years ! Thank you for the bolos borrachos, your sweetness inside and outside, always. Congratulations on your new baby girl !

Dreams

I have been dreaming a lot lately.
I barely remember it when I wake up but I have the feeling of just being out of a tumoltuous car ride.

Last night that was certainly the case. My dream /nightmare, whatever I can remember of it was about a car wreck.
I was trying to run from something on the road, had to put the car on reverse and it just sped out of control. I tried to break, swerve, look behind me but to no avail, the car picked up even more speed and ran into oncoming traffic on a highway (felt more like a race car track). I lost consciousness and the rest I can't remember much, besides there being a piece of metal stuck inside me that I pulled out and a lot of fluid came gushing out (not blood, more like pee, so rationalized my sleepy mind), I think it was at that point that I was awaken by my daughter screaming my name.

It was 4 am.

A few days ago I could not even sleep., let alone dream.
The thoughts that had been ocupying my mind during the past few days - root / ancestry searching - followed me to bed and before I knew it, my exhaustion turned into a cacophony of voices that I could not silence.

Had my search for the ancestors turned into a summoning of them all that particular night ?

What is the point of this search anyway ?

What I am to do with the findings ?

Am I seeking guidance from these ghosts ? If so, maybe I should spend more time trying to figure out how to decipher their messages because maybe they are already here, talking to me in my dreams ...

Un-Wholy Cow !!!!

Once I created this blog I told myself that I would not dwell on negative issues, or stir any negative emotions of any kind, there is enough of it out there. But, I just could not resist this particular issue so, forgive me, self. 

The FDA approved the sale of food derived from cloned animals ! (reference)

What is going on, is there such a shortage of food that we now need to start messing up with Mother Nature ? 

Who am I kidding ?!? 

We have been messing up with Mother Nature all along: genetically modified grains and vegetables, super-sweet pineapple (and I don't mean the Ghana one that is naturally sweet).

I have been trying to dodge these fake foods but to no avail, there is not even a requirement for labels specifying that the food is made from cloned animals although the one that is not can claim so. So now we have to start looking for non-labels: no GMI, no Gluten No Dairy, No Soy, No Trans Fats, No Animals were used in the research ...

How long before we go to the doctor and have a made-to-order baby ?

Coincidence ??

Someone once told me (I think it was my friend Paulinha) that there is no such thing as coincidences. 

I agree ! 

I have noticed that when I think a lot about something, it seems to start materializing all around me. 

One such case just happened a few days ago. 

After watching the show on Rumi, I decided to do a bit of digging, checked websites, read and listened to some poems online (there are some nice websites out there that even have the poems in the original language) and got some nice Rumi vibe going. 

The next day I went for my usual book hunt at the library (it is the best place to get second hand books for cheap, I mean 50c and $1 for hardcover and paperbacks, not to mention a quarter for children books), so as soon as I get to the shelves to look for books what do I see ... 

... a book of Rumi's poems In the Arms of the Beloved. 

I was ecstatic and needless to say grabbed it and ran ... well, not really. Payed for it and ran.

Now back to coincidences ... I think the Universe aligns itself to the frequency / vibes / sound of your heart and it is just a matter of us being able to listen to it, tune it accordingly and voila, a new language is at our disposal.

Rumi

It is rare for me to find a show on TV that will make me want to close my eyes and listen. 

I accidentally came upon such a show tonight, one about Rumi's poetry. 

I closed my eyes and the listening turned to feeling.

I would sell my tongue to buy a thousand ears ...

There will be more of Rumi to come, I'm sure. It's just too late to continue tonight.

Amazing Grace

I recently saw the movie Amazing grace, not once but twice in consecutive days. 

Well, the first time I felt the movie, the second time I was able to watch it.

I loved every aspect of it, it was witty, deep, funny, sad, joyous and I would not think of saying that of a movie that concerns the slave trade and all its horrors but the grace with which this movie was done awoke all those feelings in me.

Underneath the struggle of William Wilberforce and his group to abolish the slave trade was the song Amazing Grace written by none other then a former slave ship captain himself, John Newton.

The lyrics of the song are profound and the melody just brings out the tears in me.

Once I figure out how to paste them here I'll do that, for now just go to the link:

Amazing Grace movie official website 

Also worth mentioning too and along the same lines (mistreatment of human beings by fellow humans being ) is Bury my heart at Wounded Knee also heart wrenching in its portrayal of the  mistreatment of American Indians.

Happy New Yearound

Happy New Year !!!

May the happiness last all year round and not be like most so-called resolutions: - short-lived !!!

We started the year incredibly well, drinking wine in Sedona !!! After taking my Mother-in-law to the Grand Canyon, we returned to our hotel in Sedona for our second night there and drank wine while waiting for our ball to drop, kiss each other and pray for all the blessings we had in the previous year and wish for more in the New Year.

So what do I wish for in this New Year ?? Here are the first 10 that pop into my head.

1- I wish to be a better me so I can be a better Mother and better wife and not let my insecurities roll over into my performance as a mother and wife.

2- Take better care of myself. I think my husband has tolerated the tom-boy image of me for too long. I am way overweight, dress like (in my sister's words) a Scottsdale maid, hide my messy hair behind wraps, knots and whatever I can get to keep it from looking like a witch, have the hands of someone that spends way too much time cutting onions and washing dishes.

3- Read and write more

4- Do yoga and meditate. In other words: bend more and dig more.

5- Spend more time with my sister.

6- Budget

7- Define what it is I want to do with my life in the next few years

8- Be positive, always. Not hold grudges, let go of negative people, situations, toughts

9- Eat less chocolate (who am I kidding ?) Ok, eat less sweets ... that reminds me, I have this nice blueberry-tofu cheesecake I brought from Sedona, still untouched ... uhmmm

10- Exercise, exercise, exercise (join that hiking club I always wanted to join)